I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
