im about as happy as oj after his trial
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
