All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
