just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
