peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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