haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
