just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
