it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Blood and glitter go together right?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize