Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
