Soap is not a condiment
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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