Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
