ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
