why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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