You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
