Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
