yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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