i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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