That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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