Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
soo... how was my night?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
