If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
