does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
