You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
