Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
