Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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