I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
