So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
what day is it and did you see me today?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
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I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
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I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
If I had your ass I would rule the world
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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