fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
