it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
