I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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