thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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