And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
