hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
