It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
