Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
