You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Sober January is a disaster.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Well I just put wine in my tea
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
