so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
