Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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