the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
