just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
