His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
