I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
