You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
