i was born a porn star she said
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
