Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
