so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
