I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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