listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
