there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
