Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Pants are for mortals
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
