never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
