They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
