Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
zippers are such a cool invention
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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