if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
