I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
