Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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