I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
