you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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