Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Operation Purity has been aborted
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
