That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
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Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
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My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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