good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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