Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
