I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
