he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
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