Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
