my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
