As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
