Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
