I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
