where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I forgot wine drunk hurts
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
