why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize
