hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Randomize
