I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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