Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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