i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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