How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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