i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
