I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
