Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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