That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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