if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
