wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
