he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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